I was first introduced to Amanda Stanton as the beautiful, sweet and endearing single mom that stole America’s heart on Ben Higgins’ season of The Bachelor, and continued to enamor Bachelor Nation in her quest for love on seasons three and four of Bachelor in Paradise.
But if you think you know Amanda based on the small snapshot of her portrayal on reality television, you are wrong. In her stunning new memoir, Now Accepting Roses, you get to see the sides of Amanda that epitomize everything my blog and Instagram stand for: she is a relatable, strong, brilliant, quick-witted and hilarious BOSS navigating the murky waters of today’s modern dating world with grace, vulnerability, and an open heart.
The world works in mysterious ways; I read Amanda’s memoir in one day (I couldn’t put it down, seriously) only to discover that Amanda was following my @onceuponatimeonhinge Instagram account hours later. I obviously embraced my inner thirst and jumped at the chance to slide into her DM’s and ask for an interview. When I sent Amanda my questions I prefaced with, “If there’s anything you don’t want to answer, no worries”; ever the bold, honest and open-book, Amanda assured me that no questions were off-limits.
LACEY: You have so much going on, between being a single mom to two amazing little girls (shoutout to Kins and Char), owning and designing your own clothing line Lani the Label, and now promoting your memoir Now Accepting Roses. How the FUCK do you find time to date?! And where do you meet typically meet people (ie dating apps (which ones specifically), being set up through friends, random encounters, etc.)
AMANDA: So I actually broke up with my boyfriend (Bobby Jacobs) of a year in March and have been so busy ever since that I haven’t had any time to date. I don’t use any dating apps! I tried one a couple years ago and had no luck with it so I plan on meeting someone organically. I think random encounters are the way to go for me, personally. But I have so many friends that have met their boyfriends or even husbands on dating apps so it does happen!
L: Speaking of dating apps, I just want to highlight to readers that in chapter four of your book you include an EPIC list of advice for women using dating apps. This isn’t a question, just another reason that every single girl looking for love on dating apps should buy your book.
A: YES! A couple years ago when I tried out a dating app, I realized how many people could use a little help. Guys post photos with sunglasses and hats and you can’t even see their face; I was like how do they expect anyone to swipe right?! Posting photos with another girl is also a huge no in my book.
L: I want to talk more about your book. I found it interesting how you describe coming from a solid family, seeing a beautiful and loving marriage, and yet going for the bad boy/ toxic relationships. I find myself in the exact same pattern. Where do you think that comes from?
A: I think in the past, I’ve always loved to feel like I was helping someone. I was attracted to guys with issues because I wanted to help them overcome. It obviously was never that easy. It sounds silly but I hear of so many girls that are this way and thought a lot of people could actually relate. Since then, I’ve realized I’ll never have a happy healthy relationship if I continued down that path. I think it’s good to be a little selfish when it comes to dating.
L: Toxic men tend to gaslight by making you feel like the “crazy one”. I LOVED how you highlighted the difference between instinct and insecurity/paranoia. But how do you convey this distinction to men?
A: I think if your gut tells you something is off, you’re probably right! My advice would be to learn how to communicate how you’re feeling (in a way that doesn’t make the other person feel like you’re accusing them) and be able to talk about it. If a guy calls you “crazy” and can’t understand why/how you’d feel that way, he’s probably not the right person for you. And your gut was probably right.
“I think it’s good to be a little selfish when it comes to dating”
L: In chapter five you discuss dating the infamous moaner, pizza lover, and controlling, pompous, obnoxious fuckboy: Josh Murray. I read Andi Dorfman’s book It’s Not Okay and she described Josh’s controlling, manipulative, toxic tendencies in depth. But it was super interesting to hear your take on it all. I so relate to falling for someone like Josh because men like that can be super charming and tell you exactly what you want to hear. It kills me that people gave you such a hard time about dating him and introducing him to your children, and it kills me even more you beat yourself up about it. How did you handle and cope with that guilt and public criticism?
A: I actually never felt super guilty about my relationship with Josh despite all the judgement and heat I received over it. Yes, people saw the red flags and I technically “ignored” them because I continued to date him, so I can fully see how frustrating that was to watch. But I had to see things for myself. I was a lot more cautious in that relationship than people think. I kept notes of the red flags and didn’t fully ignore them. I fell so hard for Josh and had to just go with my heart there and I don’t think I will ever regret that.
L: The way you describe your relationship with Robby Hayes really reminds me of my relationship with my ex. He was honest and straightforward from the get-go that he liked me a lot, but wasn’t ready for commitment or a relationship. But I continued seeing him because I got caught up in a weird web of feelings. I let my relationship go on way too long as well (two+ years, ugh) and it just ended so I am not in the phase yet where I see the lessons to be learned from such a relationship. Any advice or insight you have gained to help a sista out?
A: I think people tend to force relationships! In the past 2 years I think I’ve gotten a lot better at letting things go lol. When a guy doesn’t want to commit to us, I think it hurts our ego more than it really hurts our feelings. Sometimes it can be hard to searate those two things. When you find the right person that you’ll be the happiest with, I think it will just be easy.
L: In your book you also discuss your relationship with Bobby Jacobs (a relationship I am not afraid to admit I closely followed on social media). To me, at least, your breakup seemed so sudden and unexpected. Is there anything to can share about the reasons this relationship didn’t make it?
A: It was funny because I always thought if we broke up, I’d be devastated and never want to date again (dramatic) but I had gone through more than a couple failed relationships and a really hard breakup in the past and was terrified of that happening again. I think I always knew Bobby and I were too different in a lot of important ways, but I was definitely blindsided by the breakup. After reflecting on our relationship though, I realized it was the right decision. And it was surprisingly the easiest breakup I’ve ever had. Part of me felt guilty for NOT being super sad afterwards. I think the more failed relationships you have, the more you know what you want…& breakups tend to get easier! I saw a meme recently that said “at 27 it’s easier to get over a breakup than a hangover” and I think that couldn’t be more true LOL!
“When a guy doesn’t want to commit to us, I think it hurts our ego more than it really hurts our feelings”
L: So, I think it’s a well-established fact that you have the sickest style of any Bachelor contestant ever. What is your go-to first date outfit?
A: OMG thank you! My go to date outfit is always jeans, heels and a cute top or bodysuit. You want to look nice but don’t want to try too hard or overdo it.
L: Last question: How does it feel to have the most adorable, fashionable, sweet, kind, sassy, and cute daughters on the planet? And how are you going to fend off the men that will one day be lining up to date them?
A: I am so obsessed with them. I feel like 99% of people follow me for my kids and it’s actually the ultimate compliment. I really got so lucky. I’m trying to raise them right so they can fend off the men for themselves 😉
Run, don’t walk to get even more amazing dating advice and Bachelor tea by picking up a copy of Now Accepting Roses. You can follow Amanda on Instagram at @amanda_stantonn, and follow me at @onceuponatimeonhinge.
Once Upon a Time Dating 