Once Upon a Time Dating

I want revenge on Revenge.

This show started out genuinely good and entertaining. You were actually interested to see who Emily was going to get revenge on and how. Then really weird shit started happening. Why is Amanda (the real Emily) pregnant with Jack’s baby? Why did Victoria die, but then like, not die? Why is Emily drowning herself underwater? And most of all, why was Nolan topless?

To the writers/ producers: we all nostalgically look back on the days when Emily would casually stalk businessmen at polo matches and then hijack their entire company. We also enjoyed when she played people’s private therapy tapes at a benefit. Most of all, we miss the days when Ashley was just a lowly assistant because she is perhaps the most annoying person on television.

If this show doesn’t get better fast, I’m going to circle it with a red sharpie and be done.

Last Sunday as I was watching the Emmys, I was actually screaming at the screen when Bryan Cranston and Jon Hamm lost “Best Actor” to Damian Lewis (Homeland). But once I saw that Homeland won “Best Actor”, “Best Actress”, and “Best Drama”, I decided to drop my Breaking Bad and Mad Men pride and give the show a shot.

Thank god I did.

Homeland is one of the best shows I’ve seen in years. It’s on par with The Sopranos and Breaking Bad, and even better than Mad Men. The plot of the show in the most basic terms possible (it’s VERY complicated), is that Nicholas Brody (Damian Lewis) returns home after being a prisoner of war in Iraq for eight years, and Carrie Mathison (Claire Danes) is a CIA agent who believes he was turned and is plotting an attack on America. The show sets Brody and Carrie up as the two heroes of the show, and you are constantly wondering whom you should be rooting for. You see Brody with his children and his wife (who started an affair with his best friend while he was presumed dead), and then you see him praying in Arabic in his garage. You aren’t sure whether Brody is brainwashed or suffering from PTSD, but most of all you aren’t sure whether Brody is a good guy or a bad guy. Carrie also suffers from schizophrenia, so you are constantly wondering whether her paranoia about Brody is warranted or just a result of her mental illness. I could go on about this show for hours, but instead you should all just stop reading right now, get the first season, and start watching.

Just make sure you block out 13 hours of your day, because you will want to watch the entire season in one sitting.

“You got me”… The three little words that ended the season finale of Breaking Bad (in the form of a flashback), and the three little words that will change everything.

Oh. My. God. I had to re-watch the ending of the finale episode multiple times in order to fully absorb the fact that Hank has realized who Walter is. The jig is up- and next season will likely be all about the chase and (probably) eventual capture of Heisenberg: Walter White.

There has been a lot of mixed reviews about the last episode. Some critics loved it and felt that it has set next season up to be the best yet, and others thought it was an easy cop out: the evidence Hank has been searching for for five seasons was found on the top of Walter’s toilet. Personally, I thought it was brilliant. The evidence was right under Hank’s nose the entire time, and he finally saw it while taking a shit. The finale was exactly what I expected in a manner that I never expected.

While I can’t wait for next season and am dying to see how this genius show will conclude, I also can’t imagine my life without Breaking Bad and am mildly depressed (no, extremely depressed) that next year will be this show’s last. How do you think it’s all going to tie up? I have so many guesses but I know none of them are right so I am just going to wait to see what the writers have come up with. I have a feeling that the evidence as to how this show will end is also right under our noses… let’s all sit on the toilet and try to figure it out.

Last night my friends and I saw For a Good Time Call (the phone sex movie you keep seeing commercials for), and let me just say it was REALLY weird. I would try to summarize the movie but I’m not even really sure what I saw. I could have seen a lesbian tale of two girls who formerly hated each other that fall in love because they both like having phone sex, or I could have seen a chick flick about two girls trying to make some extra cash who start a phone sex line. I’m really not quite sure. All I know is that my friends and I were those obnoxious girls laughing out loud in the theater, but it was impossible not to. Supposedly the girls in the movie were just friends, yet they got in a fight because one of them said I love you and the other didn’t say it back. They also stared into each other’s eyes at one point and then slept in the same bed and it was like, awkward in the morning. I actually recommend seeing this movie because it was so ridiculous that it was entertaining. If anyone understood this movie, please comment. Enjoy.

Sidenote: The girl from My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding was in this movie and it made me wish I was watching My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding.

The other day I was introduced to the show Pretty Little Liars, and it was surprisingly much better than I thought it would be. However, the fact that people think that show is scary in any way, shape, or form, makes absolutely no sense to me. If people really want to see a scary show, they should watch American Horror Story. For those of you who didn’t watch last year, it doesn’t even matter: the plot and characters change every season. Last season featured a family who moved into a “haunted” (to say the least) house with a long and creepy history, and next season takes place in an insane asylum. Some of the actors from last season are coming back, but as completely new characters.

The show is campy, scary, and one of a kind. It comes back October 17^th at 10 PM on Fox- tune in and prepare to pee your pants.

Although I wasn’t a huge fan of high school myself, I am a huge fan of high school movies. I love nothing more than watching cliques, cheerleading teams, and nerdy kids with braces come of age on the screen before me. Here are my top ten favorite high school movies of all time! What are yours?

1. Mean Girls
2. Fast Times at Ridgemont High
3. Clueless
4. Sixteen Candles
5. Grease
6. Superbad
7. Can’t Buy Me Love
8. Bring it On
9. Election
10. The Breakfast Club

Real Housewives who? Gallery Girls is the newest show on Bravo TV bringing crazy eyes, drunk messes, oh and art, to your Monday nights. The show features a division between the Manhattan, uptight gallery girls and the Brooklyn, artsy, (bitchy) gallery girls. Honestly, I would recap the first episode but you really have to see it to understand its greatness. One highlight, off the top of my head, was when Chantal, a lovely 90 pound girl who wears red lipstick and loose dresses, got drunk at her store opening and started mumbling about “going to Key West to cheeeeel” while she wore a net over her face. Another highlight you ask? Perhaps when Amy, who redefines the terms “crazy eyes” and “botched nose-job”, got shwasted at a gallery dinner and revealed that she slept with Eli Klein (the gallery owner) in front of his intern (Maggie) who probably also slept with him. If you aren’t excited yet to watch this show then you are boring and don’t deserve to watch it anyway.

 Gallery Girls, Bravo, Mondays, 10 PM.

I recently started watching the reality show Polyamory: Married and Dating on Showtime (Thursdays 11 PM), and let me tell you: it is insane. It documents two “relationships” in different parts of California: one is a “triad” consisting of a married couple and their girlfriend, and the other is a “pod” consisting of two married couples that just moved in together. Polyamory is the belief that love is limitless and monogamy is unnatural, which is why every person on the show has multiple lovers. Honestly, I thought through watching the show I could maybe begin to understand at least where these people are coming from, but the idea of polyamory still makes no sense to me. I can’t imagine sharing my boyfriend/ husband with other people and not being allowed to feel jealous (whenever someone on the show expresses the slightest bit of jealousy they are told that they are “going against the rules of poly” and “acting mono”). I’m usually pretty liberal about these types of things, but in this case I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around polyamory. Managing one relationship is hard enough, what would it be like to manage so many? What do you think?