It wasn’t until I started posting Hinge content to my personal Instagram account (see former post for how I got started) that I realized I had a knack for navigating Hinge. This entire blog post might seem like a humble brag, and, well, it is. The number one reason I get so many matches & asked out on so many dates on the app has nothing to do with my appearance- sure, my pictures are well curated and filtered but I’m just your basic brunette Jewish girl. My success on the app boils down to my brutally honest and straightforward approach, and the guys I match with all share in my candid and even satirical angle. Dating on an app is inherently awkward and can feel embarrassingly vulnerable, so approaching the app too seriously only magnifies that fact and makes people uncomfortable. There are also so many options that if you don’t stand out in some way you will fade into the background. I have posted my Hinge profile below. Disclaimer: I am in no way saying my Hinge profile is perfect or the holy grail, it’s just the ideal depiction of my personality, interests and sense of humor:
Let’s talk prompts first. Answer wise, the biggest mistake I see people make on their profiles is taking ABOUT their personalities instead of SHOWING their personalities. For example, rather than stating you are “fluent in sarcasm”, SHOW me your sarcasm. Another common red flag are answers that are so general or cliche that they could have been suggested answers; how does you liking pizza or “The Office” tell me anything about YOU? Moreover, it’s difficult for others to use your basic as hell prompt answers as conversation starters. I like that my profile speaks for itself, and if people don’t get me or my sense of humor, I wouldn’t want to match with them anyway. When I’m swiping, I personally value the quality of prompt answers over the quality of people’s pictures, and in the poll on my Instagram 71% of you agreed. The reason your profile exists is to pique someone’s interest, so spending time translating unique personality quirks into prompt answers is crucial.
My answers are tongue in cheek and lean towards dark humor because that’s a reflection of who I am, but that wouldn’t work for everyone. When drafting a prompt answer, don’t overthink it: write something that would pique your own interest and make you want to learn more, ask questions, and get to know that person. Most importantly: don’t be afraid to be exposed and let your guard down. People are liking your profile to ultimately date you, or at the very least hook up with you. Why would someone crave intimacy with someone they can’t get to know? Don’t be afraid to be revealing, you will be amazed how far it will get you. If you are struggling to come up with good prompt answers, DM me and I will therapize the shit out of you until we come up with three winners.
Now let’s talk pictures. My process for choosing my Hinge pictures was very simple: ones where I thought I looked pretty and/or skinny. I also tried to include a variation of pictures of me alone in formal and casual settings, as well as a couple of group pictures to show that I occasionally socially interact in public. I don’t do sexy or goofy pictures because that wouldn’t be authentic for me; my rule of thumb is this: if a picture doesn’t reflect how you would possibly look on a date, it’s either too scandalous, too filtered/facetuned or too bizarre. However, I do occasionally appreciate when I’m swiping and come across eccentric pictures that can spark a conversation:
Now let’s talk pickup lines and conversation starters. The great thing about Hinge is that the prompts and pictures (mainly prompts) are jumping off points and prime opportunities for quality banter. Below is a visual montage of all of the times guys didn’t take advantage of that, and started with boring greetings that went nowhere:
As boring as those opening lines are, nothing, and I mean nothing, is worse than a guy that asks you for a date or for your phone number right away, with no interest in a conversation whatsoever. It is the number one way to show a girl you are not interested in getting to know her and are only interested in hooking up. Pro tip: even girls only looking to hook up on the app won’t hook up with you if you are that transparent. You have to play the game to some extent.
Another pet peeve of mine is when someone only gives physical compliments. Maybe some girls would be into that, but personally it’s just shallow and phony to me. For me, those conversations wind up going in circles.
The best interactions are funny, a little weird, and the kind of conversations I would brag to my friends about if they happened with some guy I met in a bar.
The goal of Hinge is to ultimately get the girl or guy’s number and start with a texting relationship. So, here are some texting tips from me to you:
- Resist the temptation to shield your insecurities with laughter. A person can pick up on your confidence or lack thereof based on the authenticity of your “lol’s”
- Keep someone’s interest by maintaining a balance of who initiates contact. Give the person the chance to chase/pursue you, but don’t make it a one-way courtship
- Keep your emoji use to a minimum
- When deciding on when to respond to someone’s text, ensure that your timing is both genuine and discriminating. Be genuine by responding in a reasonable amount of time, but be discriminating to ensure that he/she knows you have a life
- This one’s primarily for the ladies: men will often make clever attempts to establish a sexting relationship with you. A firm but gracious display of your standards is necessary. If that’s what you’re down for: go for it. If it’s not your thing: make it VERY clear.
- Don’t let people inundate you with low-value communication attempts. If you are finding yourself on the receiving end of low-quality communication attempts, challenge them or move on.
- Resist the temptation to over-invest in someone you are in a texting relationship with, especially when their communication attempts appear low-interest, low-investment, and altogether unenthusiastic. There are plenty of fish in the sea (and people on Hinge).
- This one’s based on personal experience: never text while emotionally impaired or highly intoxicated. A single vulgar or tactless text sent while in an emotionally crippled or inebriated state can undermine WEEKS of rapport and respect a person has gained for you.
- Avoid over-shares and day-to-day problems with budding texting relationships. The person you’re texting doesn’t need to know every little thing you’re thinking or feeling, especially if such things are boring and mundane.
- Do not make a habit of accepting last minute dates by text. Consistently doing so will cause the other person to believe that you do not value your time and thus, over time, neither will they.
- Again, this one is coming from personal experience: prioritize phone calls or face-to-face conversations for important or serious topics. Texting is NOT a good medium for relationship-altering conversations and conflict resolutions.
I could probably write a book on this topic, but I’ll stop here. Slide into my DM’s @onceuponatimeonhinge with questions, comments, feedback, etc.!
Once Upon a Time Dating 