Once Upon a Time Dating

My prior post, part one of this two-part series on The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, summarized the eight seductive character types. While understanding these archetypes is imperative to the seductive process, you will not seduce anyone by simply depending on your engaging personality, or by occasionally doing something noble or alluring. Seduction is a process that occurs over time- the longer you take and the slower you go, the deeper you will penetrate the mind of your target. It is an art that requires patience, focus, and strategic thinking. You need to always be one step ahead of your target, casting a spell, keeping them off balance.

The four phase, twenty-four step process outlined below will arm you with a series of tactics that will help you get outside of yourself and into the mind of your target. The order is based on certain timeless laws of human psychology. For example, because people’s thoughts tend to revolve around their daily concerns and insecurities, you cannot proceed with a seduction until you slowly put their anxieties to sleep and fill their distracted mind with thoughts of you. Mystery is the lifeblood of seduction and to maintain it you have to constantly disrupt a comfortable routine. The later phases instruct you in the art of alternating hope and despair, pleasure and pain, until your target weakens and succumbs.

The four phases are organized by particular goals to aim for: getting the target to think of you; gaining access to their emotions by creating moments of pleasure and confusion; going deeper by working on their unconscious, stirring up repressed desires; and finally, introducing physical surrender.

(Note: I am by no means advocating premeditating and manipulating an actual courtship with such a calculated process. However, it is interesting to deconstruct the art of seduction to gain a greater understanding of the psychology and operation behind beguiling someone)

Phase One: Separation- Stirring Interest and Desire

(1) Choose the Right Target

Everything depends on the target of your seduction. You must only choose those who will prove susceptible to your charms. The right targets are those for whom you can fill a void, who see in you something exotic. They might often feel isolated or unhappy, or can easily be made so. The perfect target has some quality that inspires strong emotions in you, making your seductive maneuvers seem more natural and dynamic; they allow for the perfect chase.

(2) Create a False Sense of Security- Approach Indirectly

If you are too direct early on, you risk stirring up a resistance that will never be lowered. At first there must be nothing of the seducer in your manner. The seduction should begin at an angle, indirectly, so that the target only gradually becomes aware of you. Haunt the periphery of your target’s life- approach through a third party, or seem to cultivate. relatively neutral relationship, moving gradually from friend to lover. Lull the target into feeling secure before you strike.

(3) Send Mixed Signals

Once people are aware of your presence, and perhaps vaguely intrigued, you need to stir their interest before it settles on someone else. Most of us are much too obvious- instead, be hard to figure out. Send mixed signals: both tough and tender, both spiritual and earthly, both innocent and cunning. A mix of qualities suggests depth, which fascinates even as it confuses. An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people want to know more, drawing them into your circle. Create such a power by hinting at something contradictory within you.

(4) Appear to Be an Object of Desire- Create Love Triangles

Few are drawn to the person whom others avoid or neglect; people gather around those who have already attracted interest. To draw your target closer and make them hungry to possess you, you must create an aura of desirability- of being wanted and courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for them to be the preferred object of your attention, to win you away from a crowd of admirers. Build a reputation that precedes you: if many have succumbed to your charms before, there must be a reason.

(5) Create a Need- Stir Anxiety and Discontent

A perfectly satisfied person cannot be seduced. Tension and disharmony must be instilled in your target’s mind. Stir within them feelings of discontent, or unhappiness with their circumstances and with themselves. The feelings of inadequacy that you create will give you space to insinuate yourself, to make them see you as the answer to their problems. Pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to pleasure. Learn to manufacture the need that you can fill.

(6) Master the Art of Insinuation 

Making your target feel dissatisfied and in need of your attention is essential, but if you are too obvious, they will see through you and grow defensive. There is no known defense, however, against insinuation- the art of planting ideas in people’s minds by dropping elusive hints that take root days later, even appearing to them as their own idea. Create a sublanguage- bold statements followed by retraction and apology, ambiguous comments, banal talk combined with alluring glances- that enters the target’s unconscious to convey your real meaning. Make everything suggestive.

(7) Enter Their Spirit

Most people are locked in their own worlds, making them stubborn and hard to persuade. The way to lure them out of their shell and set up your seduction is to enter their spirit. Play by their rules, enjoy what they enjoy, adapt yourself to their moods. In doing so, so you will solve their deep-rooted narcissism and lower their defenses. Indulge your target’s every mood and whim, giving them nothing to react against or resist.

(8) Create Temptation 

Lure the target deep into your seduction by creating the proper temptation: a glimpse of the pleasures to come. You must awaken a desire in your target that they cannot control. Find that weakness of theirs, that fantasy that has yet to be realized, and hint that you can lead them toward it. The key is to keep it vague. Stimulate a curiosity stronger than the doubts and anxieties that go with it, and they will follow you.

Phase Two: Lead Astray- Creating Pleasure and Confusion

(9) Keep Them in Suspense- What Comes Next?

The moment people feel they know what to expect from you, your spell on them is broken. More: you have ceded them power. The only way to lead the seduced along and keep the upper hand is to create suspense, a calculated surprise. Doing something they do not expect from you will give them a delightful sense of spontaneity- they will not be able to foresee what comes next. You are always one step ahead and in control. Give the target a thrill with a sudden change of direction.

(10) Use the Demonic Power of Words to Sow Confusion

It is hard to make people listen; they are consumed with their own thoughts and desires, and have little time for yours. The trick to making them listen is to say what they want to hear, to fill their ears with whatever is pleasant to them. This is the essence of seductive language. Inflame the person’s emotions with loaded phrases, flatter them, comfort their insecurities, envelop them in sweet words and promises, and not only will they listen to you, they will lose their will to resist you.

(11) Pay Attention to Detail

Lofty words of love and grand gestures can be suspicious: Why are you trying so hard to please? The details of a seduction- the subtle gestures, the offhand things you do- are often more charming and revealing. You must learn to distract your target with a myriad of pleasant little rituals, such as thoughtful gifts tailored just for them; gestures that show the time and attention you are paying them. Mesmerized by what they see, they will not notice what you are really up to.

(12) Poeticize Your Presence

Important things happen when your targets are alone: The slightest feeling of relief that you are not there, and it is all over. Familiarity and overexposure will cause this reaction. Remain elusive. Intrigue your target by alternating an exciting presence with a cool distance, exuberant moments followed by calculated absences. Associate yourself with poetic images and objects, so that when they think of you, they begin to see you in an idealized fashion. The more you figure in their minds, the more they will envelop you in seductive fantasies.

(13) Disarm Through Strategic Weakness and Vulnerability

Too much maneuvering on your part may raise suspicion. The best way to cover your tracks is to make the other person feel superior and stronger. If you seem to be weak, vulnerable, enthralled by the other person, and unable to control yourself, you will make your actions look more natural and less calculated. Physical weakness- tears, bashfulness, etc.- will help create the effect. Play the victim, then transform your target’s sympathy into love.

(14) Confuse Desire and Reality- The Perfect Illusion 

To compensate for the difficulties in their lives, people spend a lot of their time daydreaming, imagining a future full of adventure, success, and romance. If you can create the illusion that through you they can live out their dreams, you will have them at your mercy. Aim at secret wishes that have been thwarted or repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions and clouding their powers of reason. Lead the seduced to a point of confusion in which they can no longer tell the difference between illusion and reality.

(15) Isolate the Target

An isolated person is weak. By slowly isolating your target, you make them more vulnerable to your influence. Take them away from their normal milieu, friends, family, home. Give them the sense of being marginalized, in limbo- they are leaving one world behind and entering another. Once isolated like this, they have no outside support, and in their confusion they are easily led astray. Lure the seduced into your lair, where nothing is familiar.

Phase Three: Deepening the Effect Through Extreme Measures

(16) Prove Yourself

Most people want to be seduced. If they resist your efforts, it’s probably because you have not gone far enough to allay their doubts- about your motives, the depth of your feelings, and so on. One well-timed action that shows how far you are willing to go to win them over will dispel their doubts. Do not worry about looking foolish or making a mistake- any kind of deed that is self-sacrificing and for your target’s sake will so overwhelm their emotions, they won’t notice anything else.

(17) Effect a Regression

People who have experienced a certain kind of pleasure in the past will try to repeat or relive it. The deepest-rooted and most pleasurable memories are usually those from earliest childhood, and are often unconsciously associated with a parental figure. Bring your target back to that point by placing yourself in the Oedipal triangle and positioning them as the needy child. Unaware of the cause of their emotional response, they will fall in love with you.

(18) Stir Up The Transgressive and Taboo

There are always social limits on what one can do. Some of these, the most elemental taboos, go back centuries; others are more superficial, simply defining polite and acceptable behavior. Making your target feel that you are leading them past either kind of limit is immensely seductive. People yearn to explore their dark side. Once the desire to transgress draws your target to you, it will be hard for them to stop. Take them farther than they imagined- the shared feeling of guilt and complicity will create a powerful bond.

(19) Use Spiritual Lures

Everyone has doubts and insecurities- about their bodies, self-worth, sexuality. If your seduction appeals exclusively to the physical, you will stir up these doubts and make your target self-conscious. Instead, lure them out of their insecurities by making them focus on something sublime and spiritual. Lost in a spiritual mist, the target will feel light and uninhibited. Deepen the seduction by making its sexual culmination seem like the spiritual union of two souls.

(20) Mix Pleasure with Pain

The greatest mistake in seduction is being too nice. At first, your kindness is charming, but it soon grow monotonous; you are trying too hard to please, and seem insecure. Instead of overwhelming your target with niceness, try inflicting some pain. Make them feel guilty and insecure. Instigate a breakup- now a rapprochement, a return to your earlier kindness will make them weak at the knees. The lower the lows you create, the greater the highs. To heighten the erotic charge, create the excitement of fear.

Phase Four: Moving In for the Kill

(21) Give Them Space to Fall- The Pursuer is Pursued

If your target becomes too used to you as the aggressor, they will give less of their own energy and the tension will slacken. You need to wake them up and turn the tables. Once they are under your spell, take a step back and they will start to come after you. Hint that you are growing bored. Seem interested in someone else. Soon they will want to possess you physically. Create the illusion that the seducer is being seduced.

(22) Use Physical Lures

Targets with active minds are dangerous: if they see through your manipulations, they may suddenly develop doubts. Put their minds gently to rest and weaken their dormant senses by combining a non-defensive attitude with a charged sexual presence. While your cool, nonchalant air is lowering their inhibitions, your glances, voice, and being- oozing sex and desire- are getting under their skin and raising their temperature. Never force the physical; instead infect your target with heat, lure them into lust.

(23) Master the Art of the Bold Move

 The moment has arrived: your victim clearly desires you, but is not ready to admit it openly, let alone act on it. This is the time to throw aside chivalry, kindness, and coquetry and to overwhelm with a bold move. Don’t give the target time to consider the consequences. Showing hesitation or awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself, as opposed to being overwhelmed by the target’s charms. One person must go on the offensive, and it is you.

(24) Beware the Aftereffects

Danger follows in the aftermath of a successful seduction. After emotions have reached a pitch, they often swing in the opposite direction towards district and disappointment. If you are to part, make the sacrifice swift and sudden. If you are to stay in a relationship, beware a flagging of energy, a creeping familiarity that will spoil the fantasy. A second seduction is required. Never let the other person take you for granted- use absence, create pain and conflict, to the keep the seduced on their toes.

If you made it through this entire post, congratulations! You are an expert in the art of seduction. DM me @onceuponatimeonhinge with questions, comments, or feedback. Stay sexy.