Once Upon a Time Dating

The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene is the single most fascinating book I’ve ever read, specifically as it pertains to dating and relationships. As unromantic as it might seem, the seductive process is a calculated and unavoidable aspect of any courtship; these strategies of persuasion and charm are even more pronounced in online dating where every move is premeditated.

Every seduction has two elements: first, yourself and what is seductive about you; and second, your “target” and the actions that will penetrate their defenses and create surrender. In other words, every person seeking a romantic relationship can fall into one of eight seductive character profiles (or the “anti-seducer” profile), and engages in the four phase, twenty-four step seduction process.

Part one of this two-part series will describe the types of seductive characters, and the types of individuals most likely to fall victim to seduction. In many ways, the eight seductive character types are masks we all wear when trying to seduce someone, rather than reflections of who we really are. Read through the descriptions and determine which category, or categories, you fall into. Also, see if you can identify which type of seducer, or seducers, you are typically attracted to.

The Eight Seductive Characters

The Siren (Female)

The siren is the ultimate male fantasy figure because she offers a total release from the limitations of his life. In her presence, which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels transported to a realm of pure pleasure. In a world where women are often too timid to project such an image, sirens learn to take control of the male libido by embodying his fantasy.

The Rake (Male)

Women rarely feel desired or appreciated enough; they crave a certain level of attention that men are often too distracted and unresponsive to offer. The Rake is a great female fantasy-figure because when he desires a woman (brief though that moment may be) he will go to the ends of the earth for her. Interestingly, the Rake is often disloyal, dishonest, and amoral, but that only adds to his appeal. He stirs a woman’s repressed longings by mixing danger and pleasure.

The Dandy (Male or Female)

Most of us feel trapped within the limited roles the world expects us to play. We are therefore instantly attracted to those who are more fluid than we are- those who create their own persona. Dandies excite us because they cannot be categorized, and hint at freedom we want for ourselves. They play with masculinity and femininity; they fashion their own physical image which is often startling. Dandies use the power of ambiguity to establish an alluring presence that stirs repressed desires.

The Natural (Male or Female)

Childhood is the golden paradise we are always consciously or unconsciously trying to re-create. The Natural embodies the longed-for qualities of childhood- spontaneity, sincerity, unpretentiousness. In the presence of Naturals, we feel at ease, caught up in their playful spirit, transported back to that golden age. They neutralize people’s defensiveness and infect them with helpless delight.

The Coquette (Male or Female)

The ability to delay satisfaction is the ultimate art of seduction- while waiting, the “target” is held in thrall. Coquettes are grand masters of the game, orchestrating a back-and-forth movement between hope and frustration. They bait with the promise of reward- the hope of physical pleasure, happiness, fame by association, power- all of which, however, proves elusive; yet this only makes their targets pursue them more. The alternation of heat and coolness keeps people seduced for the long-term.

The Charmer (Male or Female)

Charm is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate manipulators, masking their cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort. Their method is this: they deflect attention from themselves and focus it on their target. They understand their target’s spirit, feel their pain, and adapt to their moods. In the presence of the Charmer one feels better about themselves. Charmers aim at people’s primary weaknesses: vanity and self-esteem.

The Charismatic (Male or Female)

Charisma is a presence that excites us. It comes from an inner quality- self-confidence, sexual energy, sense of purpose, contentment- that most people lack and want. This quality radiates outward, permeating the gestures of Charismatics, making them seem extraordinary and superior. They learn to heighten their charisma with a piercing gaze, fiery oratory, an air of mystery. Charismatics radiate intensity while remaining detached.

The Star (Male or Female)

Daily life is harsh, and most of us constantly seek escape from it in fantasies and dreams. Stars feed on this weakness; standing out from others through a distinctive and appealing style, they make us want to watch them. At the same time, they are vague and ethereal, keeping their distance, and letting us imagine more than is there. Their dreamlike quality works on our unconscious. Stars become the objects of fascination by projecting a glittering but elusive presence.

The Anti-Seducer (Male or Female; The Likely Target)

Seducers draw you in by the focused, individualized attention they pay to you. Anti-seducers are the opposite: insecure, self-absorbed, and unable to grasp the psychology of another person, they literally repel. Anti-Seducers have no self-awareness, and never realize when they are pestering, imposing, talking too much. Root out anti-seductive qualities in yourself and recognize them in others.

The above descriptions are condensed from a 500 page book- so, if you are interested in learning more please DM me @onceuponatimeonhinge as I LOVE to discuss this topic.

Part two of the series will recap the phases and steps of the seductive process. Stay tuned!