Once Upon a Time Dating

This post is dedicated to the housewives of (in my opinion) the three best shows of all time: The Sopranos, Mad Men, and Breaking Bad. Carmela, Betty, and Skyler- this one’s for you depressed betches.

Even though these three shows seem vastly different, they are actually quite similar. They all star leading men keeping secrets from the world: Tony Soprano is a mob boss, Don Draper is really Dick Whitman, and Walter White is a meth kingpin. The shows examine how their secrets alter how they relate to others, but mostly how they relate to their families. This is where their wives come in- the blonde bombshells.

Of all of the wives, Carmela is undoubtedly the most screwed up. Which is interesting, considering she is also the only one who went into her marriage completely aware of who her husband really is. In fact, it was Tony’s money and flashiness that drew her in to begin with. The series featured Carmela’s struggle between her materialism and her desire for a normal life not constantly surrounded by danger.

Skyler has a similar struggle, but it is easier to sympathize with her because unlike Carmela, she didn’t ask for it. She married a nerdy, doting, uncomplicated high school chemistry teacher who was unexpectedly diagnosed with cancer. This, in addition to a midlife crisis, led him to start cooking meth and ultimately becoming “the one who knocks”: Heisenberg. The major difference between Carmela and Skyler is that Carmela turned the other cheek to Tony’s business, but Skyler got involved. Upon learning her husband’s secret, Skyler started laundering their money and demanded to be in the know.

Betty is the most similar to Carmela. Although Betty didn’t know her husband was casually faking his identity when she married him, she was attracted to his mysterious nature and his money. Don is also (obviously) the sexiest of all the husbands, and Betty understandably couldn’t resist his looks and charm. Betty always knew something was off with Don though. But, like Carmela, she turned the other cheek for a while because he gave her everything she wanted: a beautiful home and an easy lifestyle. Carmela and Betty both also attended therapy, but Skyler never did (or hasn’t, yet).

Each of the women left their husbands at one point for other men. Carmela left Tony for a while and slept with her son’s guidance counselor, Skyler left Walt and slept with her boss, and Betty full on divorced Don and married Henry. But Carmela and Skyler took their husbands back, and if you ask me Betty will eventually wind up with Don again too. What keeps drawing these women back in? Are they just dumb blondes, or are they being smart and acting out of self-interest? What do you think their similarities say about pop culture’s representations of women?

I just have to preface this post by saying that it opened with a song by “Knife Party”, AKA my favorite DJ. Ugh, I died. It played while Walt was parking his and Walter Jr.’s new extravagant cars in the driveway while Skyler’s station wagon was parked on the sidewalk. Walt Jr. is really becoming a junior version of Walt, RIP Flynn.

Honestly, I felt so bad for Skyler this entire episode. I look back on earlier seasons and see how confident and self-aware she was, and when I look at her now she is just a shriveled up, former version of herself. When Walt and Walt Jr. asked Skyler to make the “one” bigger on the “51” she was making in bacon on Walt’s plate, I thought back to an earlier episode of Breaking Bad. Skyler and Walt Jr. were at the kitchen table, and Walt Jr. told Skyler that he preferred Raisin Bran Crunch over plain Raisin Bran. Skyler sassily told Walt Jr. that if that was the cereal he wanted, he could go to the supermarket and buy it himself. What would that woman say to the woman Skyler has become?

As Walt and Skyler are getting ready for bed, she casually mentions that maybe Walt Jr. should attend boarding school in Arizona. Although Walt’s point that it wouldn’t really make sense for him to transfer the year before college technically made sense, Walt is so self-involved that he doesn’t even recognize Skyler’s fear behind the question: that her children will get involved in her husband’s mess.

THE SCENE WHERE WALT LEFT WORK EARLY TO GO TO HIS “SURPISE PARTY”….this was the first time throughout this ENTIRE series that I was actually rooting against Walt. I was literally praying to the screen that there was no surprise party waiting for him. The dick doesn’t deserve it. I was so satisfied when Walt Jr. was just watching TV and Skyler was heating up roast chicken. Yeah, take that Heisenberg.

And then, the pool scene. As Skyler started approaching the pool she reminded me of the character Opehlia in Hamlet. Yes, I’m aware of how tool-ish that sentence just sounded, but really think about it: Ophelia descends into madness and decides to kill herself by drowning. But as Walt was carrying on about how supportive everyone has been since he was diagnosed with cancer and Skyler started slowly walking into the pool, I thought about another gem from pop culture: The Sopranos. When AJ tried to drown himself no one was around, he had a cinderblock, a rope, and a garbage bag around his head. It was a cry for help and an authentic, premeditated, suicide attempt. Skyler tried to “drown herself” in front of her husband, sister, and brother-in-law, with no cinderblock, rope, or garbage bag in sight. This act was clearly not premeditated- she was just so nauseated by Walt that she decided to impulsively make a statement. To be honest, I’m surprised Hank and Marie saw it as a cry for help. If Skyler were my sister, I would be wondering why on her husband’s birthday, as he tearfully discussed his plight against cancer, she decided to do that: I would start questioning Walt, not Skyler.

Nonetheless, Skyler suggests that Marie and Hank take the kids for a while so she and Walt could “work things out”, so ultimately her plan worked and the kids are removed from the house. The scene in the bedroom with her and Walt was heartbreaking to watch. Skyler is nothing like Carmela Soprano- she had no idea what she was getting herself into when she married Walt. In fact, not only did she have NO idea she was marrying a future meth kingpin, but she thought she was marrying a nerdy, gentle, high school chemistry teacher. The only thing Skyler has left is smoking cigarettes… because every cigarette Skyler smokes represents being one day closer to Walt’s lung cancer coming back, and one day closer to her freedom.

Although this episode was mostly about Walt’s personal life, there were developments in his new meth business as well. I mean, first and foremost, he’s back to wearing the Heisenberg hat. You don’t look cool Walt, you look like an asshole. Also, Jesse meets with Lydia to get the barrel of methylamine but it appears that the DEA is tracking the barrel, so he leaves without it.

Ultimately, Mike decides that Lydia planted the tracking device on the barrel and he has no choice but to kill her. Jesse might just be the only morally sound character left on this show, so he protests killing her by saying that Mike could be wrong. This was a frantic scene of yelling and blocking doors, and Walt just sat silently in the corner stroking his Heisenberg hat. My bet: Walt planted the tracker. My next bet: Walt’s pissing off way too many people and is going to get himself killed. The episode ended with the clock ticking… and then it faded to black.

I’ve wanted to write a post about the show The Real L Word for a while, and in light of the new Chic Fil A controversy I thought it would be the perfect time.

Personally, I don’t even understand why gay rights are a discussion. Gay people are human beings and therefore deserve the same human rights we are entitled to. The constitution says that we all have the right to pursue happiness, and if happiness for someone means marrying another person of the same gender, who cares? I never woke up one day and decided to be straight, so clearly someone who is gay never woke up one morning and just decided to be gay. Some of us are born fat, some skinny, some with brown hair, some with blonde, and some of us like boys and some like girls. One thing that we are all born with is the desire to love and be loved. So to deny someone of that is unfair. Period.

That being said, after watching The Real L Word on Showtime, which is a series that documents the lives of a group of lesbian women, my belief in gay rights was reinforced even more. These women are trying to have babies, get married, find themselves, and do everything we are ALL trying to do. What I love most about the show is that it rarely even discusses gay rights- it’s just a show about interesting women who happen to be lesbians. It is on Thursday nights at 10:00 pm, and is a show I recommend that everyone should watch.

When my mom told me her elementary school was segregated, I was shocked. I look forward to the day when I tell my kids that there was a day when gay people couldn’t get married, and they are shocked.