Once Upon a Time Dating

I just want to put up a disclaimer before this post that what I am about to say has nothing to do with my politics. I actually really like Obama in a lot of ways, but he recently made a statement that offended me PERSONALLY, so I have to say something.

Everyone who knows me knows that my middle name should probably be Bravo. I am obsessed with the Real Housewives, Andy Cohen, and the channel in general. So when Obama recently said that Americans should stop watching the Real Housewives and start doing our homework or something, I was outraged.

The Real Housewives is an escape. I don’t watch it because I think it is groundbreaking and artistic television- I watch Mad Men and Breaking Bad for those reasons. What Obama doesn’t realize is the pressure that teens are under these days. The competition today is not even close to what it used to be- so if after a long day of going to class, going to the library, doing homework, studying, and reading I feel like curling up in my bed and watching Theresa flip over a table, what is so wrong with that? Moreover, by Obama making a statement against an entire television network, he is essentially saying that countless jobs and hours of work that go into making this network function are meaningless. If we all stopped watching Bravo, what would happen to the interns, production assistants, producers, etc. who work for this network? Are their jobs less important than anyone else’s?

I understand that Obama believes the Real Housewives are promoting materialism and wealth that hasn’t been earned. But to that I would like to ask Obama, who has been vocal about how much he enjoys watching and playing basketball, what about the professional basketball players who make millions for throwing a ball in a hoop? Don’t those athletes promote materialism and wealth that hasn’t been earned? But professional sports are an escape, so it’s ok, right?

Obama just came out defending gay marriage, and Bravo is at the forefront of network television promoting homosexuality and gay rights. So, in my opinion, maybe he should have researched more about what this channel does before coming out against it.

I loved this episode. It had all of the elements of a classic episode of Breaking Bad: uneasiness, humor, symbolism, and good ol’ cooking meth.

But I do have to say, Walt has surpassed evil and has just become a complete tool. I mean seriously, he’s a douchebag. The episode started with him moving back in without Skyler’s knowledge, and just nonchalantly telling her it would work out with a smug smile on his face. When he pushed her clothes aside and just threw in his own items I was almost screaming at the screen telling Skyler to punch him in the face at that very moment.

Mark my words people: Mike will win an Emmy next year for his performance this season. He is a combination of all of the best qualities in Walt and Gus: smart and ambitious, but also careful and aware. I also loved what Walt said about Mike to Saul and Jesse when they met before visiting potential new meth labs: “He threatened Jesse. He probably threatened someone before breakfast. It’s what he does. Grow a pair.”

When Walt, Jesse, Mike, and Saul were touring potential new labs, I knew that they wouldn’t make the same mistake they made with Gus and develop a permanent lab that they go to every day. It’s way too risky and would also be redundant- so when they decided to start cooking in people’s houses being exterminated, I thought it was brilliant. Is it just me, or do you sometimes wonder if actual meth dealers watch this show and are getting ideas? I always wonder if people who watch Dexter are actual murderers watching the show to get some tips, and I have similar concerns watching Breaking Bad. So to all the people who get their houses exterminated for termites in the future, meth will probably be cooked in your home. Just a warning.

Marie’s lunch with Skylar started out as a scene of Keeping Up With the Kardashians would: some sisters eating salads, drinking diet coke, and gossiping. Interestingly it also ended the same way, with one of the sisters going bat shit crazy. But Skylar’s only problems are not just that her husband is Scott Dissick and her daughter’s name is Peneople… her husband is a meth dealer with cancer, she has two children to take care of, her ex-boyf is in the hospital because she put him there after cooking his books and sending creepers to his house, and she kind of looks like she’s gained some weight. Therefore it wasn’t surprising when Skyler started lighting up and screaming “shut up” at Marie repeatedly.

I saw on my guide’s description of this episode: “Walt confesses to Marie”, and got really excited that he would tell her he cooks meth. Alas, it’s only the beginning of the second to last season, so I subconsciously knew that wouldn’t happen. After his conversation with Marie, Walt knew his wife was upset in her bedroom after just having a mental breakdown, and he just casually scrolled into the kitchen, bit into an apple, and chilled out with his kids watching Scarface. Way to be compassionate Walt- this furthered your douchebaggery. Skyler’s face when she saw her family watching a movie that basically portrays who Walt has become was EPIC… Anna Gunn should win the Emmy for her facial expressions alone.

The scene with Walt and Jesse relaxing on the couch and drinking some beers was refreshing, because it was one of the first times I saw Walt treating Jesse as his equal. He was inquiring about Jesse’s relationship, talking about Brock (who Walt awkwardly met and sat on a couch with after low-key poisoning him), but then revealed his true intentions: he just wanted to find out if Jesse told Andrea about their operation. And likely was only pushing marriage because a wife can’t testify against her husband in court. Congrats Walt, I’m beginning to hate you.

And then, the final scene. Walt’s sense of entitlement to the money was beyond childish and really proved to me that while this man is a brilliant scientist, he is no businessman. He clearly doesn’t understand that there are many people who go into not only making this operation function, but function without police involvement. Walt walks away upset with $117,00 after one cook, and seems to forget that when this show started he was making only $45,000 dollars a year as a high school chemistry teacher. It’s wonderful to see how mature Jesse has grown over the past five seasons, but incredibly frightening to see how Walt’s ego has grown even more.

Sidenote: I miss meth-head Wendy. Like a lot.

My sister made me watch Requiem for a Dream last night, and I have to say it was the most frightening movie I’ve seen in a while. Chloe and I have this thing where after we see a movie sometimes we will say it “changed” us, because it was so weird and horrifying (examples from the past include Camp, Taxi Driver, Fight Club and Black Swan) and this movie was the epitome of that. I’m going to be honest, while the Jennifer Connelly/ her unknown boyfriend/ one of the Wayan’s brother’s story lines were terrifying, nothing scared me more than Sarah Goldfarb’s (Ellen Burstyn) storyline. Maybe because when you see people on heroin you know they are going to screw up their lives, but you never think that diet pills can really mess someone up. The image of her on the train in that red dress will probably haunt me forever, and definitely gave me nightmares last night. Darren Aronofsky has a true talent for portraying peoples’ downward spirals into madness (and for wearing scarves), and I think Sarah Goldfarb’s story is his best. Also, I just have to mention that Jennifer Connelly had ombre hair in this movie and it was made almost 13 years ago, so props to the costume designer for being really fashion forward. I guess Sarah kind of had ombre hair too, but it was more gray-red than brown-blonde.

What movies are so freaky they have “changed” you?

I know this post might receive some negative commentary, but I’m ok with it. I’m going to tell you all why I love the Kardashians- and not in the “love to hate” them way, I actually love them.

First of all, say what you want about them, but they are ambitious. Maybe they didn’t get famous in the most classy way possible, but once they became famous they could have had their fifteen minutes and been over- but they have become an empire and the most powerful and wealthy family in America. So when people say they have no talent, I say that they are talented at making money. I don’t know about you, but that’s a talent I wouldn’t mind having.

Also, they are AWARE of how ridiculous they are. If you watch their shows, they always talk about how they miss when they dressed themselves, lived more modestly, and weren’t so insanely famous. In one scene Kim was videochatting with Khloe and said, “We try so hard now it’s embarrassing.” I agree that they dress outrageous and pull crazy publicity stunts, but at the end of the day they are a tight knit family who is aware that they are doing all of this for the job. They are all in it together, and there is something endearing about that.

They are also hilarious. I remember I realized how much I truly loved them when there was a scene in Kim’s apartment in one of the earlier seasons, and she had a framed picture of Khloe’s DUI mug shot on her kitchen counter. I turned to my sister, who also happens to be named Chloe, and told her I would do the same thing if she ever had a mug shot. Maybe you have to have our sense of humor to understand why I find that hilarious, but I just think that if you can’t make fun of your family members who can?

Most importantly, they are all always there for each other. You hear a lot about Kim’s ass, her boyfriends, and Bruce Jenner’s plastic surgery- but one thing you never hear about are feuds among the family members. I find it incredible that in a family with five sisters, one brother, two husbands (counting Scott as a husband), one baby out of wedlock, a mother like Kris Jenner, and a stepfather with many other children, you never hear about family feuds. Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe have never stopped supporting each other, and I think that says a lot about their character.

Mason is also the most adorable little thing I have ever seen and I am kind of in love with him.

This past weekend my family and I made the six-hour trek up to New Hampshire to visit my little brother, Zach, at camp!

So, this post is going to be in honor of my bro, who is even more (WAY MORE) obsessed with movies than I am. We always play a game with each other where we try to list our ten favorite movies of all time (in order), and debate which movies shouldn’t be on the list/ discuss which movies are on both of our lists. I’m going to put my list here and I want all of you to think about what ten movies would be on your list. Zach and I define our favorite movies as ones you can watch over and over and they never get old, and we have to like every single part of the movie. That last rule is important, because Pulp Fiction was on my list for a while but considering I hate the Bruce Willis part it had to go off the list. Anyway, here I go! Are any of my movies on your list?

1. Mean Girls
2. The Social Network
3. Inglourious Basterds
4. American Beauty
5. The Shawshank Redemption
6. The Parent Trap
7. The Devil Wears Prada
8. Legally Blonde
9. Rosemary’s Baby
10. American Psycho

Sorry for the delay people! Here we go: Breaking Bad recap. Hold on to your yellow jumpsuits and your ricin cigarettes.

First of all, I have to say that I really am a different person when Breaking Bad is in season. I feel like I have something to look forward to, something that gets me through the work week. Lately when anything annoys me, all I have to do is think about next week’s Breaking Bad and I feel better. It’s sort of like how Mad Men was for me in the Spring, only Breaking Bad is a better show.

Anyway, let’s start at the beginning. I have to be honest, I was really confused by the New Hampshire scene. Only after consulting Lace it Up’s number one fan, Breaking Bad scholar, and my mom’s best friend, Barbra Wineburg (hey Barbra), did I realize that it was like the “stuffed animal in the pool” scenes from Season 2, and that we probably won’t understand it until later in the season. All I have to say is Walt looked MAD hipsta with his long hair and thick rimmed glasses, he’s shadily using a fake ID (the diner waitress isn’t the bouncer at Liv, chill Walt), and that breakfast looked really gross.

Interestingly, I think that Walt and Jesse are in a very similar place that they were at in the beginning of last season. They just killed someone, and have to pick up the pieces. Only this time it’s not just Nerdy Gail (sorry Gail), it’s King Gus. Much bigger deal. And is it just me, or do you guys really miss Gus? I thought he was such an amazing character, and one of the best villains to ever appear on TV. I felt going into this season of Breaking Bad how I felt going into Season 3 of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, which was the first without Danielle Staub. I wondered how the show could possibly go on. But Theresa just wound up replacing Danielle, so I’m sure someone else will replace Gus. And who knows, maybe Gus can come back for flashbacks. One can only hope.

I was glad they showed Walt realizing that he still had the Lily of the Valley plant. When last season closed, I was kind of wondering why Walt, someone so meticulous, would just leave that hanging out in his backyard. But after he hid the plant in his trunk, he realized he was forgetting about something else: the surveillance camera on Gus’s laptop that casually shows him and Jesse cooking meth. Oy. Walt and Jesse travel to see Mike and convince him to join in on their plan to destroy the laptop. Alright, I’m going to be honest- I felt like scenes showing them debating destroying the laptop, deciding to destroy the laptop, testing the magnet to destroy the laptop, and ultimately destroying the laptop, were all a little excessive. I would have liked to see this loose end tied up a little more neatly so that the episode could have covered more ground.

A big discovery in this episode was that Ted didn’t die when he slammed against the table- he was just badly injured. Well, this was supposedly a big discovery, but was I the only one who knew right away that he wasn’t dead? Not just because him being alive would add complexity to the “cooking the books” plot line, but simply because I have fallen harder than that and have gotten right up and laughed about it. I was actually surprised he was so injured, as the fall didn’t really look so bad. Either way, he’s alive, so Skyler had to visit him at the hospital to make sure he didn’t and will never tell anyone about the circumstances surrounding his injury. He said he wouldn’t breathe a word of it, and Skyler just replied, “Good.” I don’t blame her for being so curt. Last season I remember thinking that if Skyler had to tell this asshole ONE MORE TIME to send the check to the IRS I was going to freak out. “It. Doesn’t. Work. Like. That. Ted….You. Will. Go. To. Prison”- isn’t that how Skyler always said it? Ugh, I’m picturing it now, so annoying.

The closing scene, with Walt telling Skyler that he forgives her for giving the money to Ted, gave me chills. It demonstrates how evil and almost sociopathic Walt has become. Essentially everything negative that has happened to Skyler, Walt Jr., Hank, and Marie since Walt started cooking meth was ALL because Walt started cooking meth, and he doesn’t seem to have any remorse. I imagine that everyone watching the scene had the same horrified look that Skyler had acting in the scene. The fact that Walt was so calm and serene after just recently commiting murder indicated to Skyler how ruthless he has become. That scene was a turning point.

Sidenote: I just want to remind everyone that in Season 1 Marie was a clepto. That storyline feels so random to me now that I really know and understand who Marie’s character is, and I just want to remind all of you of it in case you forgot.

Sidenote 2: When will Walt lose the “post-nose job” bandage?

Sidenote 3: Who else misses HECTOOOOR?